Finn the?
by NicktheHuman
Summary: About a year after the Golb incident, Huntress Wizard becomes ill, so Finn and Jake venture into the woods to get an item that will reveal what the cause is. The answer may shock them, though.


Disclaimer: This is a fan work, and I do not own these characters

* * *

It had been quite some time since the Great Gumball War, and the ensuing craziness of the summoning of Golb. In the time that had followed, Finn and Huntress Wizard's relationship had grown from, "casual mutual attraction," to, "she spent more nights staying in the Tree House than in her own home." Of course, she still returned to the Forest daily to keep order, but often times, Finn went with her to assist, so long as the Candy Kingdom or other citizens of Ooo didn't need his services as it's Hero.

Jake, of course, was incredibly proud to see his little brother in such a healthy relationship. Although he also got the hint that when Huntress Wizard was spending the night, he'd go sleep downstairs or at Lady's place.

The relative peace was good to the kingdom. There were still quests and riffraff to be had, but sometimes it was much more enjoyable when the fate of the world wasn't at stake.

The peace in the treehouse was shattered one morning, however, when Finn was awoken to the sound of pained groans coming from the bathroom. Sitting up in his bed, he groggily growled, "what the junk is that?"

He looked down to see Huntress Wizard wasn't next to him, as she usually was, and that the pained groans were distinctly feminine sounding. A little more awake, he somersaulted out of bed, climbed his way down to the bathroom, and knocked. However, the door wasn't shut all the way, and it slowly creaked open.

Finn was shocked at the sight. The forest nymph wizard was sitting on the toilet, her leaf hair growing, turning yellow, then orange, then red, before finally turning brown and falling off her head and hitting the floor. It resulted in a never-ending cascade of leaves sprouting, turning, and falling from scalp to floor. After a few groans, the process stopped. It'd looking hecking sweet if it wasn't causing her pain, he thought.

"H Dubs, the blobbity is going on?!" The hero cried. "Are you okay?"

She looked up, shocked. "Sorry Finn...didn't want you to have to see me this way."

From the pile of leaves on the bathroom floor, BMO jumped out. "Yay leafpile!"

Finn couldn't help but smile. "Beems, can you take it in the other room?"

"Boooooo!" BMO booed, but took scoops of leaves with themself as they charged out through Finn's legs.

Finn gently walked over to his girlfriend and rubbed her back, reassuringly, with his left arm. "Hey, ya butt. You've seen me in some less than graceful times. Like when Fern put me through a table. Or when I barfed up that elk heart. You can tell me if you're not feeling good."

Huntress Wizard gave him a feeble smile. "Thanks, babe. I never get sick though, so I just didn't want you to worry."

"I didn't think wood nymphs could get sick," Finn admitted, "y'all got some crazy scientific genes or whatevs."

"Usually we can't," Huntress Wizard replied, "only under very, very certain circumstances."

"Like what?" Finn asked.

The wizard shifted her eyes, uneasily. "I uh...I don't want to say right now."

"Alright, sicky," he laughed, "Let's go see Prubs at least, see if she can figure out what's wrong with you."

Huntress Wizard nodded. "Sure...just...ugh!"

Another leaf-shedding session later, they were out the door.

* * *

"Yeah, girl, I have no clue what's wrong with you," Bubblegum admitted to Huntress Wizard, who was sitting on a doctor's bed in one of the Princess' labs.

"What?!" Finn exclaimed. "Peebs you know like, everything and more. What the math?"

Bubblegum shrugged. "I know candy DNA and human DNA."

"And vampires!" Marceline piped up from the corner. She was writing some lyrics about sick forest creatures - inspiration hit her at weird times.

"But Huntress Wizard, you're like, sixty-five percent tree." Bubblegum concluded.

Huntress Wizard just sighed. "I figured this might happen. I'd need to get a Diag-nowsing Rod from the Deep Woods."

She groaned in pain and began shedding leaves all over the lab.

"Aw yeah, that's the good stuff!" Marceline laughed, taking more notes. Finn glared, and she added a quick, "sorry, H.W."

"I'm okay," Huntress Wizard answered, pained.

"You're in no condition for Deep Woods excursions," Bubblegum scolded.

"I can go get it!" Finn volunteered. "If it can help HuntWiz, it's my duty to see it through and math the heck out of this quest."

Through her discomfort, Huntress Wizard smiled and grabbed his cheek. "You're the best, Finn. Let me draw you up a map and a picture of what you're looking for."

* * *

Within a few hours, Finn had called up Jake from Lady's house, and they were outside the entrance to the Forest.

"Sorry to hear your lady friend isn't feeling good," Jake greeted his bro, "it must be bad if it can't be fixed with some of that sweet Finn-lovin', right?"

Finn rolled his eyes at his brother and laughed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah...I hope it's nothing too bad though, ya goof."

The two began their trek; the entrance to the forest and the outskirts weren't too bad. It was where Huntress Wizard lived, and by now, most of the animals were used to Finn. But as they passed the wood nymphs house, and the trees became thicker, they entered the Deep Wood. Home of things like Jerk Bears, Grumbos, Forest Dragons, Whywolves, and occasionally LSP if she was camping too far back in the area.

Getting their flashlights from Finn's bag, they followed the path through the forbidden Dark Woods.

"So what's this thing look like again?" Jake asked, somewhat nervous. "We can't just grab any stick and go back?"

Finn shook his head, digging out the drawing from his pocket. "Nah, it's gotta be one of them fancy stickboys from Yggdrasil. See how it's a straight stick with a plus sign at the end? It's literally mathematical."

Jake groaned, "I'm already regretting this."

A rustle from beside them made them jump. Finn shone his light through the trees, but saw nothing...

"FINN!" Jake shouted.

The late-teen boy jumped as a Whywolf pounced down from a tree towards him. He was able to hold up his metal arm just in time as the wolf helplessly bit down into the steel. Jake took advantage of this and wrapped up the beast in a long, noodle arm. Freed, Finn took his Nightosphere sword and lopped the head off the Whywolf.

"WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYwolf." The wolf cried as it died.

"L-let's keep moving Finn, whywolves are usually in packs," Jake trembled.

Finn nodded, and the two began running along the trail. They screeched to a halt not moments later as Normal-Sized Manticore burst out from a tree and stood menacingly before them.

"You shall not pass!" He boomed, "Unless you can guess my rid-ACK!"

He was knocked out by a giant fist from Jake, and the two brothers kept running, ducking under dragons, beheading whywolves.

Exhausted and out of breath, the two brothers finally made it to a clearing, under the tallest tree in the forest. This was the only tree in the Deep Woods that had sunlight around, and it's leaves were always a plethora of impossible colors.

Truly, this was Yggdrasil. At the base, roots poked through the ground, each with a Diag-nowsing rod sprouting from each. Finn approached one, but stopped as a voice from the tree commanded, "HALT!"

Jumping, the two brothers were shocked to see a squirrel scurry forth from a knothole in the tree, and look at the two. "I am Ratatosk. Protector of the tree. I think, anyway. No one comes here anymore. What do you want?"

"Hey R-Teebs," Finn greeted with a small wave. "I'm Finn. This is Jake. We need one of these Diag-nowsing rods."

Ratatosk eyed them up and down. "You uh...don't look like someone who would need it."

"It's not for us, Finn's rad girlfriend Huntress Wizard got some crazy leaf-shedding illness and needs one of these." Jake explained.

"Huntress Wizard?!" Ratatosk laughed. "Antler-twigs? Leaves for hair? Handy with a bow? THAT Huntress Wizard?"

"Uh...?" Finn wasn't sure how to respond to this weird squirrel, "Yeah, that H Dubs. She's my special lady friend."

The squirrel was nearly beside itself with laughter. "Never thought I'd see the day...alright kid, take it. Go on, get out of here."

With that, the squirrel scurried up the tree.

Finn and Jake exchanged a look. "Something about that guy rubs me the wrong way." Jake whispered.

Finn nodded. "Who laughs at someone being sick?! Unless it's like that fart curse you got that one time."

Still, the heroes grabbed the stick and made a mad dash for the exit.

* * *

It was evening by the time the two made it back to Bubblegum's lab, panting and out of breath.

"Got...the stick..." Finn gasped, rubbing his forehead. "Fought like eight whywolves, but we got it."

"I need to lie down." Jake panted, before falling on the floor and snoring.

Huntress Wizard hopped off the doctor's table onto the leaf-covered ground, and hugged Finn, making the boy blush at the public display of affection. Marceline gave him an exaggerated eyeroll.

"Thanks, hun," Huntress Wizard said, "let me see that."

Finn nodded, but was surprised when she took it and...

Went into the bathroom? He heard an unmistakable sound as well as she shut the door behind her.

"Is she..." He asked to Bubblegum in disbelief, "Is she peeing on it?"

Bubblegum raised an eyebrow at him. "Well I mean, duh Finn. What else would she do with a Diag-nowing rod?"

Finn looked at Marceline, who just shrugged.

After a few minutes, Huntress Wizard left the bathroom, holding the Diag-nowsing Rod. Except now, the two plus signs had grown large, blooming flowers. "Well," she sighed, sounding very flustered, "there you have it!"

Bubblegum squealed in delight, "what a great day for science! I've never seen anything like this! I'll help you two every step of the way."

Jake had woken from the commotion, and looked around. He had an idea what was going on, but wasn't sure.

"Us two?" Finn asked. He turned to Huntress Wizard. "What does she mean? What the math do the Flowers mean? Why did you pee on it?"

Jake's eyes widened. "Uh oh."

"Finn," Huntress Wizard blushed, her cheeks turning a darker green. "The Diagn-nowsing rod is special...it's the only a wood nymph can know if she's...expecting."

Jake and Marceline's jaws both dropped. Finn wasn't quite understanding still. "Expecting...?"

The wood nymph smile and kissed Finn gently, before saying, quietly. "Finn...I...we're pregnant."

Finn's jaw caught up with Jake's and Marceline's before he grabbed the sides of his hat...

"I'm...DADDY?!" Finn screamed.

He fainted.

"Hoo boy." Huntress Wizard smirked.

"I'M SO PROUD!" Jake screamed, hugging Finn's unconscious body.


End file.
